Blogs

READ a poem from Jacqueline Wilson's new anthology

Posted By Amy, MKB Marketing on Wednesday 31st Aug 2011
I think my favourite funny poem is Philip Ardagh’s piece about a dreadful school visit. I guarantee it will make any children’s author shriek with laughter.

Jacqueline Wilson

 

 

St Judas Welcomes Author Philip Arder

By Philip Ardagh

Welcome to St Judas.
Because of a mix-up in timetabling
Miss Horace who was supposed to be looking after you today
has had to go on a factory field-trip
with gifted and talented and the two classes
of students who’ve actually read your book.
We’ve had to put you with a younger group
who, like me I must confess, have never heard of you,
but we did look you up on Wikipedia
and see that you like cats.

Perhaps you could tell a story with lots of actions
and they could pretend to be their favourite animals?

There’s a note here from Miss H saying that
we are unable to buy any of your books for the library
because we’ve spent the budget for this school term.
The children won’t be able
to purchase any of your books either,
following a change of rules recently agreed by the PTA.
We have arranged, however, for you to sign
lots of scraps of paper
of ever-diminishing
sizes.

And for you to give two extra talks,
seeing as how you’re here.

A photographer from the local paper
has a small window in his busy schedule
so can only come halfway through your first event.
At this stage, we will have to stop proceedings
and remove from shot those children whose parents
have not given consent for them to be photographed.
It shouldn’t take long.

And I should warn you that
there are certain children
unsuitable for audience participation.
We found that out the hard way.

I’m going to have to leave you here
in the staffroom for a while
while I find an alternative venue.
Mock exams in the main hall
mean that you’ll probably have to give your
little talks in the dining room.
I’ll ask the kitchen staff to keep the noise
of table-laying
to a minimum.

I’m afraid I’ll have to nip out part-way through
your first event
to sort out a health and safety issue
but Mrs Lomax will be there throughout,

though she does have to finish
a pile of marking.
Mr Goody, our PE teacher, will be just down the corridor
and has promised to keep an ear out for the kids
if they get restless.
At that age, they’re easily bored.

I’m sorry if things seem a little disorganized
but you must be used to it.
I imagine the big names don’t do school visits,
do they?
Have you ever met Philip Pullman,
by the way?
His books are amazing.

Ah, there goes the bell.

Help yourself to coffee.
The mugs are in the sink . . .

Philip Ardagh
There are 65 Comments to this post

kt
kt posted a comment
Sunday 4th Sep 2011 07:59
Its s'ok i think j wilson and p ardgah r ok 2
 
Sukanyaa
Sukanyaa replied
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 05:27
It is nice. :D
 
misssummer
misssummer replied
Thursday 15th Sep 2011 06:52
i love this poem xx and jacqueline wilson xxx
 
mols xxx
mols xxx replied
Monday 21st Nov 2011 06:48
i love this poem too !!x
 
Gracia
Gracia posted a comment
Sunday 4th Sep 2011 07:03
im thinking about buying it is it worth it??????:) i really like jacqline wilson normal books but poems???
 
Molliemoomoo :)
Molliemoomoo :) replied
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 04:24
Hi If you like her books !!:)i've read all of them and they are great go for itt ;);/
 
bessiemoppit
bessiemoppit replied
Tuesday 6th Sep 2011 06:36
She is not boring!! :P
 
brittany
brittany posted a comment
Tuesday 6th Sep 2011 04:17
awsome i love it
 
bessiemoppit
bessiemoppit posted a comment
Tuesday 6th Sep 2011 06:35
I love jw's books i think there amazing and I can't see people who don't like her!
 
StefaniePinkyS2
StefaniePinkyS2 posted a comment
Wednesday 7th Sep 2011 04:59
I luurrvvve JK her books are the best books ve ever read! xx
 
Connie
Connie posted a comment
Wednesday 7th Sep 2011 06:20
Can't wait to read this!
 
mykindabookprincess
mykindabookprincess posted a comment
Wednesday 7th Sep 2011 06:26
that sounds awesome hope to read it soon
 
charlie<3
charlie<3 posted a comment
Wednesday 7th Sep 2011 06:29
she shud stick to writing stories sorry :/
 
lulu98
lulu98 posted a comment
Friday 9th Sep 2011 05:09
stopped readin got bored
 
girly429
girly429 posted a comment
Friday 9th Sep 2011 06:25
i love jacqueline wilson but i want her to write stories instead
 
Sundaegirl:)
Sundaegirl:) replied
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 11:55
Same!! Write some more books Jacky they r all awesome i've read like 99.9 percent of them! Sundae:)
 
milly moo
milly moo posted a comment
Friday 9th Sep 2011 09:42
yeah i like books more than poems poems bore me!!!
 
TomBoy
TomBoy posted a comment
Saturday 10th Sep 2011 07:46
I really like you books iv got about 20 odd! =]
 
carly23
carly23 posted a comment
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 10:03
love jackys books !!!!!
 
Molliemoomoo :)
Molliemoomoo :) replied
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 04:27
me too <3
 
immywimmywoo
immywimmywoo replied
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 06:05
hi mollie it is me immy ur bff i love this book too so good
 
Sundaegirl:)
Sundaegirl:) posted a comment
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 11:53
The idea of a poem book sounds good but that poem by Philip Ardagh was a bit boring - didn't really make me laugh and sort of confusing, and i prefer rhyming poems. But that's just my opinion! I think maybe Jacky should stick to writing books - they r always v.goodx1000000000! Sundaexx
 
Lizzie <3
Lizzie <3 posted a comment
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 03:26
I love your books !
 
marshmallowz
marshmallowz posted a comment
Sunday 11th Sep 2011 04:43
Just finished reading ALL the jacqueline wilson books!!!! if you are not sure about reading her books watch the trailers on youtube ESPECIALYY the longest whale song!!! :) <3
 
Sundaegirl:)
Sundaegirl:) posted a comment
Monday 12th Sep 2011 05:48
Hey just watched the clip! It's made me want to get it now! Sundaexx
 
willow
willow posted a comment
Monday 12th Sep 2011 08:49
I LOVE it! xox Jacqeline Wilson is my fav auther! xxx
 
Sruthi Shelly Philip
Sruthi Shelly Philip posted a comment
Tuesday 13th Sep 2011 06:12
by the way i really like your books
 
carla phillips
carla phillips posted a comment
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 01:45
Hii!!!!! I am a huge fan of ur book i love them thay r amazing how are u ive read midnight and i think its amazind
 
carla phillips
carla phillips posted a comment
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 01:47
Hii roxanneee ....roxanne is my cousen
 
roxanne ferris
roxanne ferris posted a comment
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 01:51
omg i cant beilive im talking to jacquline wilson i love all your books ive just borrowd the dustbin baby dvd from the libery and i absolutly love TRACY BEAKER i really like TRACY BEAKER RETURNS i hope the new serise comes out soon talk again soon jacquline XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
carla phillips
carla phillips posted a comment
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 01:53
Your books are sooo touching to me ...i'm in a foster home but should be back home soon.......i read about 5 books over the somer hols
 
mangochutney1304
mangochutney1304 posted a comment
Wednesday 14th Sep 2011 07:34
hello everyone i just finished reading the poem and there was so much words and sooooo long xx i love jacquline wilson i love tracy beaker i was just wondering dont take this to seriously but roxanne and carla are you the actually from tracy beaker xxxxxbye
 
roxanne ferris
roxanne ferris posted a comment
Friday 16th Sep 2011 11:01
yes i play roxy and carla plays chantelle is there any questions about the film tha u wonna ask
 
harriet powell
harriet powell replied
Sunday 18th Sep 2011 03:29
heyya how r u
 
harriet powell
harriet powell posted a comment
Sunday 18th Sep 2011 03:29
heyya i love your books so much
 
Jasmine101
Jasmine101 posted a comment
Monday 19th Sep 2011 04:44
OMG your amazing i love your books. but i though u was young no affence. you look nice tho xx
 
Cherry Fireworks
Cherry Fireworks posted a comment
Saturday 15th Oct 2011 06:37
Hi my names Amy and I've literally read all of your books that I've got atleast a thousand times I'm publishing my own book soon i hope i can meet you sometime on the red carpet :)
 
Cherry Fireworks
Cherry Fireworks posted a comment
Saturday 15th Oct 2011 06:41
oh and have you got any tips for me as well? xx
 
Annabel2000
Annabel2000 posted a comment
Sunday 30th Oct 2011 10:06
I love Jaqueline Wilson books!
 
Book Bug
Book Bug posted a comment
Sunday 30th Oct 2011 04:39
Hello Jaqueline I met you at Crosby Civic hall last year and I thought you were amazing! You were so nice when I was talking to you. Thank You so much for becoming a writer. Where do you get your inspiration from for your books?
 
crazygirl
crazygirl posted a comment
Saturday 5th Nov 2011 04:05
I Love Jacqueline I am even doing her book girls in tears for my schools book mastermind.Really hope I get in.Eep.
 
crazygirl
crazygirl replied
Saturday 5th Nov 2011 04:05
Ha ha can reply to me. LoL.This web rocks
 
Book Bug
Book Bug posted a comment
Tuesday 8th Nov 2011 02:10
Hello Jaqueline I am a big fan of your books. Do you have to of read Hetty Feather to read your new book?
 
cheff130126
cheff130126 posted a comment
Tuesday 8th Nov 2011 05:07
Hi Jacqueline, I am a big fan of your books and I have ALL of them at home! My bedroom is a library! I was wondering one day; where an earth do you get your ideas from??
 
Zara7869
Zara7869 posted a comment
Wednesday 9th Nov 2011 02:23
Hey jacqueline, i need to tell/ask you something REALLY important! So please could you send me an email once you have read this. it is REALLY REALLY important. Thanks.
 
coolcat
coolcat posted a comment
Sunday 13th Nov 2011 12:05
hi jaqueline i am a big fan of ur books ur my fave author i love the book cookie
 
Love.HM
Love.HM posted a comment
Wednesday 16th Nov 2011 07:50
hi Jacqueline i am a huge fan of your books and their humour what is your latest book
 
mols xxx
mols xxx posted a comment
Monday 21st Nov 2011 06:49
i love all of your books so much reading love lessons atm xx
 
pbheaven
pbheaven posted a comment
Sunday 4th Dec 2011 08:29
I LOVE YOUR BOOKS AND THE POEM IS COOL!!!
 
Ed sheeran is gorge
Ed sheeran is gorge posted a comment
Wednesday 7th Dec 2011 08:38
ive read nearlly all your books, I LUV THEM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. My favourite book is probably little darling, it has a brilliant story line to it P.S your poem is really cool xoxox
 
christmasgirl13
christmasgirl13 posted a comment
Monday 12th Dec 2011 04:41
this poem is GREAT . I LOVE reading your books!
 
jessiegirl
jessiegirl posted a comment
Sunday 18th Dec 2011 01:59
i hav read all of jaqueline wilsons books they r amazin iv just read little darlings!xx
 
kapom004.312
kapom004.312 posted a comment
Thursday 22nd Dec 2011 11:00
I have read most of Jaqueline's favourite, book and they are all amazingly interesting! I've just read Jacky Daydream!
 
Cherry99
Cherry99 posted a comment
Monday 9th Jan 2012 07:44
İ've too read most of Jaqueline's Wilson i think their amazing and you don't get bored when your reading them at all
 
Cherry99
Cherry99 posted a comment
Monday 9th Jan 2012 07:45
İ've too read most of Jaqueline's Wilson i think their amazing and you don't get bored when your reading them at all
 
Supahfluffy
Supahfluffy replied
Thursday 12th Jan 2012 07:50
ive also read most ofher too midnight is fave one
 
XxMISSPOSHxX
XxMISSPOSHxX posted a comment
Tuesday 17th Jan 2012 06:12
i have a whole collection of your book i love them i want another book about lizzie zipmouth xx
 
XxMISSPOSHxX
XxMISSPOSHxX posted a comment
Wednesday 18th Jan 2012 08:13
its kinda good lol :p
 
Flox-x
Flox-x posted a comment
Thursday 26th Jan 2012 07:53
i have lods of your book and they are great i love x
 
Rumaysa xXx
Rumaysa xXx posted a comment
Sunday 4th Mar 2012 08:06
love u JK Rowling n i jus hve 2 say i am a big fan. I also enjoy reading ur books . I must say they are fantastic!!
 
Juliiia
Juliiia posted a comment
Monday 9th Jul 2012 06:38
That poem is really good! That's coming from a girl who is not mad about poetry.. I enjoyed it x
 
odillem
odillem posted a comment
Wednesday 5th Sep 2012 09:52
that poem is creative and different . i lov eit
 
Musicismylife
Musicismylife posted a comment
Saturday 10th Nov 2012 09:05
I love the poem! It is really realistic. I <3 Jacqueline Wilosn, she is my favourite author-You should read Emerald Star, the final instalment of Hetty Feather, it is fantastic!
 
girlwithgreeneyes
girlwithgreeneyes posted a comment
Sunday 27th Jan 2013 11:10
This comment isn't really about 'Green Glass Beads'. It's about Jacqueline and her amazing work. I owe her a lot of encouragement because ever since I could write I've wanted to be a author. Jacqueline writing inspires me to continue writing and expressing stories.My one wish is to meet Jacqueline and tell her what her writing and herself mean to me. Thank you so much Jacqueline and keep writing amazing books!!!
 
Starryskai
Starryskai posted a comment
Tuesday 26th Feb 2013 08:21
I think Jacqueline's book will be a revelation for many girls who are finding poetry boring, or won't touch it, for some unknown reason. It is amazing what certain authors can do, to make something bleak into a rainbow of amazement
 

You need to log in to comment.